Release
by Side Step the Shadows
Summary: Set at beginning of Season 7: Cas has disappeared and Sam and Dean are waiting for the Leviathon devastation to begin. But Sam has a certain Devil tormenting his every waking minute and though only Dean can calm him he has to turn to extreme measures to keep Lucifer at bay. A dark and tormented Sam, Protective!Dean, self harm, slash Sam/Dean persuasion and if you squint Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

So this is as I said set at the beginning of Season 7: Right after the Leviathons are released on the world, Cas is missing presumed dead and Sam is having a little problem with the Devil. In the fact that he is tormenting Sam with the fires of hell and anything else he can think of. Dean found out about Sam's hallucinations the day of the Leviathons release and dragged Sam back to reality through the connection to the real world by gripping his injured hand... this is the story from a couple of weeks later.

Please be kind and review... Sorry but it's my first Supernatural fanfic.

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"Hey Sam" Sam flinched as Lucifer's voice breathed softly into his ear from behind.

"How's my favourite psycho?"

He glanced quickly across to where his brother Dean was sitting at the table on the other side of their motel room, still typing away on his laptop. Sam leant forward elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him and drove his right thumb into the raw healing scar on his left palm. Hard. Pain pulsed through his hand and up his arm, getting to a dull ache at his elbow.

"Tut... still not good enough Sammy" smiled the Devil "Maybe if you pushed harder."

Gritting his teeth Sam dug his thumbnail into the scar and twisted, letting a shot of pain race up his arm tensing his shoulder and neck causing his head to twitch slightly with a slight gasp.

Sam felt rather than saw Lucifer flicker out of existence, though not without a quiet huff of a laugh, and let out a deep breath he didn't realise he was holding. Letting the tension out of his shoulders.

"You alright man?" The tapping on the keyboard had stopped and Dean was looking across the room at Sam from under his lashes with concern on his face.

"Yeah... Yeah, course." Sam quickly let go of his hands and pushing against his thighs smoothly and swiftly got to his feet. Moving his hands to his back pockets, keeping his palms against the denim, Sam moved across the room to where his brother was sitting still looking with concern at Sam face, nodding his head at the screen in front of him asked "what you got?"

Dean's eyes flicked once more to Sam then turned fully to the computer to say, "Nada, nothings coming up so far, no electrical storms, no weirdness... bupkiss."

"The calm before the storm?"

"Seems like it... Hey, any um... any weirdness with you?" Dean looked again into Sam's face, "You know... any... pink elephants? Hell fire sightings...?" Sam smiled easily before looking down into Dean's eyes.

"Nope, I think I've got it under control now." He lied smoothly,

"Maybe it was a just a short term PTSD hell thing, you know? Well course... yea. S'pose you do." Sam's smile quickly faded and changed into his _and how are you feeling Dean?_ face. Deans reaction to the question being reflected back at him was the expected small cough and turn with a "Yeah, yeah... sure."

Sam nodded gently pressing his lips into a firm concerned line, turned and went over to the kitchenette-type corner of the room, and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. He briefly basked in the cold glow of the open door getting a short relief from the hot August afternoon, shutting the door with a snap he opened and passed one of the bottles over to Dean and leant casually back against the counter top across from him and took a long swig. Relishing the cool feel of the bubbles slipping down his throat, only for them to get caught halfway down as he spluttered and choked as his eyes came to rest on the grinning tall figure poised leaning over Dean's shoulder staring up at Sam. Coughing and trying desperately to get air into his lungs, while trying unsuccessfully to keep the fear and surprise from his face, Sam stared as the Devil laughed and turned to look at Dean, his face mere centimetres from his brothers whose eyebrows where quirked up in question at Sam as he finished a gulp of beer.

"Sam?"

The devil still hovering over Deans left shoulder slowly lifted his right arm miming a gun in his hand and held his fingertip to the other side of Deans head to his temple, letting out a soft "Bang" as his thumb 'hammer' flicked forward before looking back up at Sam with a big malicious smile.

"**Sam?**" Sam managed to gasp in enough air to cough out "M'ok... I'm ok. Just...*cough* ...breathed it in... *cough*" Dean kept looking at Sam, not quite believing him.

"Come on. Let's get out of here, go grab a bite or something." Sam placed the newly opened beer deliberately down with a thunk, and made his way over to the door pausing with his hand on the door handle. "You coming?" his voice hard and husky at the sight of Lucifer, hoping Dean would put it down to his choking and coughing once again for good measure. Dean, slower than Sam, made his way over to him and passed through the door with a "sure" and a small searching look into Sam's face. Sam looked away from his gaze back into the room as he shut the door closing it firmly on the sight of his grinning tormentor circling his ear with an index finger while mouthing clearly

"Psycho."


	2. Chapter 2

So this is chapter 2 - please be gentle but do review as feedback is always wanted and needed!

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Ever since the Leviathons had been unleashed on the world with the disappearance of Cas, everything had changed with the two brothers. Dean was quiet and thoughtful, grieving the loss of his friend and angel not knowing whether he was dead... or worse, and of course worrying about the state of the planet when the Leviathons would finally show up in the press. And Sam, well Sam was in hell or it felt damn like it. With the constant ridicule and torment from the devil himself and when his grip on reality was slimmest or he was trying to sleep the burning all-consuming fires of hell found it's way to Sam to scald, torture and reduce his will and sanity to full body trembles and small whimpers of terror. These episodes and visions were more than memories and flashbacks of his time in hell, but full physical hallucinations of living nightmares.

When Dean had found out about Sam's... problem on that night when the Leviathons came back into existence, the way Dean had clutched at Sam's hand dragging him back into the real world by pressing his thumb directly onto his raw wound and looking desperately into his eyes "This, **this** is what's real! Sammy!" Sam had found the sharp shock of pain ground him almost instantly, the visions around him distorting but then flaring again, but the insistent pressure of Deans hand on his and the way Dean's eyes searched Sam's pulling him back into the world and pushing hell, Lucifer and everything else out of Sam's mind except the clean pure cleanse of pain and Dean, all Dean.

In the next couple of weeks following that day Sam found it relatively easy to keep the Devil at bay by remembering that moment, and if needed pressing his thumb into his healing palm resealed his link on reality. He had found being close to Dean had, as it always had, reassured him and kept him focused on what was real and what wasn't. But for the last couple of days not even the pain from his newly healed hand was enough to keep the Devil away for more than a minute.

It was causing Sam to be jumpy, nervous and exhausted from the lack of sleep as every time the day got quiet and he closed his eyes Lucifer started humming a lullaby right by his head working up quickly to screams and cries of pain and terror that crawled up Sam's spine and reverberated around his skull.

Which was why Sam sat on the edge of his bed head in hands at 4am, sweat drenched t shirt clinging to his body, fingers clutching and pulling at his hair trying desperately to cover his ears to the sound of screaming that forced its way into his mind. Every few minutes it lulled to the sound of dying moans small enough to hear the sound of the Devil laughing right in front of Sam. Sam could see him crouching in front of him leering at him, saying "go to sleep Sam, you want another lullaby? Don't you worry, I'm right here!" Before opening his mouth to impossible width and screaming with the voices of a thousand tortured souls.

Sam leapt to his feet, trying his hardest to keep the sound of his harsh breathing to a minimum to not wake the sleeping form of his brother in the other bed in the room, though it felt like just the roar of his blood pounding through his veins would be enough to wake the dead. It didn't matter how much Sam wanted Dean to wake, for the sun to decide to rise early and to go through the easier hours of the day when Dean's presence and consciousness was enough to keep the full extent of the Devils play away. He couldn't wake him and show Dean how truly broken he was, his brother had done so much for him and was obviously hurting from the loss of Cas he couldn't make his life even harder than his mere existence was by throwing this at him aswell. Instead Sam went quickly into the bathroom grabbing his duffle bag on the way, swiftly turning the light on and locking the door behind him. Sam dropped the bag on the floor and crouching started to rifle through it to find a cleaner shirt, kicking it and spilling the contents when he fell backwards against the bath tub at a pound on the door.

"Why Sam?!" Came the smiling cry of Lucifer "Don't you like my singing? Please come out, I can't see you from here... oh wait..."

The sight of the devil lying in the bath behind him suddenly made Sam's head crack sharply against the tub.

"Yes I can, hi Sam" Swearing softly under his breath, Sam rubbed the back of his head though finding the small pain blossoming under his hand clearing rather than muddling his mind.

"You're not real!"

"I know that, but apparently you don't believe it. I mean I know we have a connection Sammy but I thought you didn't want me here, so why am I?" Lucifer leant forward so his chin rested on his arm on the edge of the bath right next to Sam's head. "Hmmm?"

"I **don't** want you here!"

"Really? Could have fooled me..." Sam drove his thumb hard into his healed palm, but all he felt was a twinge and tug on scar tissue not the clean pure pain he needed.

"Sorry Sam, you're all healed. And Dean's not here to make sure your sanity's intact. It's not by the way, you are going crazy but don't worry I'll be there in your insanity to keep you company. Won't that be fun!" He clapped his hands together with an unnaturally loud BOOM that made Sam's jaw clench in a spasm and he closed his eyes tight.

In a sing song voice behind him Lucifer started singing softly "And it's always, you... and me... always... and forever... hmmm hmm hmmm..."

Sam took a deep breath and started picking through the spilt contents of his bag taking a shirt at random lifting it to reveal his switchblade, the one that Dean had given to him as a gift years ago, one that he was never without. He saw the blade had half been released with the bag being dropped and so he picked it up to look. Nudging the catch on the side the blade flicked into place with a satisfying nick. Sam found himself staring quietly at the silver blade in his hand, too quietly. He tilted the knife so he could see the reflection of the Devil behind him in the tub, whose eyes met Sam's.

"W'atcha doin' there Sammy?" He asked, a smile starting to tug at the side of his mouth. "Nice knife you have there. Not gonna use it are you?" He let out a theatrical gasp "I knew you wanted to come back to me, to come back and play in the cage!" He laughed and clapped his hands together again.

Sam stayed quiet, turning the blade in his hand. Gently he rolled up the left sleeve of his t shirt up over his shoulder, and carefully placed the silver blade against his upper bicep.

"Er... Sammy? If you wanna come and play you're going to have to use that a little lower down..."

Just the sound of his voice made Sam's muscles clench with fear and his frayed nerves hum with tension. His right hand trembled slightly causing the blade to bite into his skin causing a small hiss to escape Sam's lips. Lucifer flickered slightly behind him.

"Oh, I see what you're doing now. What a good idea, prove to the world that you're a psycho, not just me. Genius!"

Sam paused blade poised over his skin, heart thudding against his chest. Jumping when the Devils hands came down either side of his head on the edge of the bath with a whack as he yelled

"Do it then! Do it Sam. Make me disappear, I don't think you want to do it, you can't do it! Ha! So pathetic, turning to this?! You know you want to Sam, make it hurt, make it bleed. Do it, **DO IT**!" Heat radiated from behind Sam causing the air around him to become hot and claustrophobic, cloying at his lungs. Lucifers voice unnaturally loud in his head

"**Do it!**"

Quickly, sharply Sam drew the knife across his skin. Sam dragged in a short breath with it, relishing the pure clean metallic note of pain. He let the breath out and drew another in, watching as ruby beads were brought to the surface and delicately, slowly spilled over causing a warm electric trail over his skin followed by the cool flush of cold in it's wake. Sam watched the drops of blood travel down over his bicep and round under his arm to where first one and then two drops fell to the bathroom floor. A few seconds passed as Sam just watched bead after bead fall to the floor, his pulse hollow not pounding in his ears. The main sound the ragged breathes he focussed on, in and out.

His breathing slowed to gentle breaths and instead all Sam could hear was the silence of the night. Now loud in his ears. He jerked upright and spun to look behind him, no Lucifer. No heat. Finally he could hear the quiet of the night and his own thoughts. Which currently were trying to make sense of what just happened, thoughts flitted through his mind but the calm from the loss of his torment eased everything to the back of his mind, grabbing a hand towel by the sink he pressed it to his cut. Wincing slightly with a grimace as the pain made itself known he pressed harder, consciously letting his mind feel every bit of the reality of the pain knowing it was real, here and now.

Pulling the towel away gently a few minutes later he saw that the wound was shallow enough to not have stitches and was clotting already. He gingerly pulled off his shirt and pulled on the clean one, gasping with guilty pleasure as his shoulder twinged and nipped at his cut.

Sam cleaned himself up and made his way back into the bedroom, feeling lighter and freerer than he had in weeks. Slipping under his covers and into bed he lay gently down onto his pillow, deliberately onto his hurt shoulder so he could feel the constant thrum of pain make it's way over his body as he quietly drifted deeper and deeper into slumber.


End file.
